I’m a regular human being, often described as remarkably nice smelling and not at all too big for my age. I’m into the twin arts of making and eating food and not at all into taking photos of said food because, come on, the world has enough artfully filtered shots of bagels and cream cheese. Behave yourself. On the whole though I’m a regular in my work place, some say I need a hobby so I take photos of people and things-no bagels- and pretend to be deep and write not at all related captions underneath them. Sue me. Or don’t, end result is the same, you’ll get no money because I have none. I may be rambling here so I’ll go away now but before I go. Deepest of love to the banana crumble crew. You’re true legends. In summary, I’ve never had banana crumble. I wonder how weird that would be…?
What is your favourite joke?
The joke, is in your hand…(NSFW)
I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got in my pyjamas, I’ll never know.
What makes you smile?
My niece when I turn up at her house because I’m the only one left in the family who can swing her about
What is your favourite good news story?
Rates of malaria are on a steady decline and fewer children in tropical countries are dying from it.
What inspires you?
Trying new things, hearing a snippet of a song on the wind, and food. A hearty home cooked meal eaten with good people
If you could change one thing in the world what would it be?
I’d put an end to the lack of common sense that seems to be spreading like a disease round the world and led to Trump becoming president. He’s an actual waste of skin.
If you could have one superpower what would you choose and why?
The ability to copy any other superpower I see, because of loopholes.
What is your favourite food?
Partial to a bit of a rice and chicken. I’m a simple fella
What is your favourite drink?
Ice cold apple juice. With a dash of rum.
If you are going on holiday what luxury item would you take from home?
My camera for sure
If you could make one law, what would it be and why?
I’d make it illegal to wear corduroy because you sound like an endless zipper being pulled when you walk. Ergh. Also, just no.
Give us a random piece of information about you that people wouldn’t know?
I wholeheartedly and steadfastly almost drowned in two feet of water. Being 6’7” it’s a bit of a disgrace.
What is your favourite phrase or saying?
YOLO. Simple and straight to the point. What’s the worst that could happen?
What cause, project or event would you like to promote?
Well I think anyone working to end homelessness deserves commendation.
Who is your favourite music artist?
Jorja Smith. I’d have her babies
Who is the person that you feel has shaped your life most?
Is it brown-nosing to say MATTHEW Austin esquire of banana crumble fame?
PJ’s or Not?
Hot or cold?
Cold
Cat or dog?
Cactus
Blue or pink?
Pink
Tea or coffee?
Ergh.
Glass half-empty or glass half-full?
A glass that exists in box in a quantum state of either being or unbeing but subject to change once viewed
Pyjamas or not?
Not…
Night out or night in?
Night in
Pizza or pasta?
Pizza
Biscuits or cake?
Ooh, love a cake
Wine or beer?
RUM
Football or rugby?
Basketball, jeez.
Cinema or theatre?
Theatre, darling
Gym or TV?
Gains never sleep.
Naughty or nice?
Naughty
Silver or Gold?
Plata
Tent or hotel?
Hotel, never tent.
Bath or shower?
Shower
Starter or pudding?
Pud all day
Sheets or duvet?
Come back to me
Love Island or Game of Thrones?
Love island
Finally, apple or banana?
I see what you did there. Kumquat.
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