Good News – It is Pay Day | Banana Crumble
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Good News - It is Pay Day

by Paul Gold | Oct 18, 2017

1.Waking up on Pay Day like a little kid on Christmas Day who’s about to unwrap a brand new limited edition Pikachu Nintendo 64. You excitedly enter in your pin-code as fast and accurately as you can to check your balance until you see it…LOOK AT THAT NUMBER! LOOK AT ALL THOSE NEW THINGS YOU CAN NOW AFFORD! DO YOU REALLY NEED AN IPAD MINI? TOO LATE YOU’VE JUST ORDERED 3.

2.You wake up on Pay Day and eagerly check your bank expecting to see a satisfying number staring back at you that you’ve just spent the past month slaving away for…What’s that? £12.63? You haven’t been paid. You spend the next few minutes saying how much you hate your job, bemoaning the disrespectful way that you’re treated and how this would never happen to Shanice from Accounts and that you’re going to start looking for—Oh never-mind, it’s just gone in.

3.That shopping trip you do on your lunch break, and coming back to work feeling like Macklemore in the Thrift Shop video.

4.The night out that same day when you suddenly think you’re Secret Millionaire buying all your friends more drinks then they, quite frankly, deserve. Until you hear those dreaded 6 words on Saturday morning: “You paid by card last night.”…Shit.

5.After living off of Super Noodles and Rustlers for the best part of 3 weeks, feeling like The Wolf of Wall Street as you tuck into your first post-Pay Day Nando’s. Doggy bag for Mr Belfort, please.

6.Responding to someone at work who asks you “You alright?” with “Yeah, its Pay Day!”, with that being part of a universal language understood by all to really mean “I don’t really enjoy conversations with you, but the fact I’m paid today to spend a month pretending to like you makes it all that more bearable…What about you mate?”.

7.Mentally working out how long you can make this pay packet stretch until you realise you have to start budgeting yourself a bit. What do you mean it’s your mate’s 21st next week? Maybe you’d better get off ASOS before you get too many ideas. You don’t want to be that guy at pre drinks with half a bottle of Frosted Jacks.

8.Of course, it wouldn’t be Pay-Day without informing Facebook or Twitter, possibly with a wide ranging array of Emoji thrown in for good measure. You go wild and throw in the thing that looks like a party hat with confetti exploding from it, and maybe even those hands that are either praying or hi-fiving…Who even knows any more? A girl you haven’t spoken to since Year 9 likes your status. Mission Accomplished, apparently.

9.Being 48% happier because you can now buy all of the things you want.

10.You work out how many days it is until your next Pay Day, even though today’s one hasn’t ended yet. (If I remove the weekends, then it doesn’t seem that far away!)

Paul Gold (@paulgold92)

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