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Banana Chat – meet Father Christmas

Take a tongue in cheek look at how we think Father Christmas would have answered our Banana Chat ….. can you read it without groaning?

Hi. I am Father Christmas sometimes called Santa Claus. I live at The North Pole with Mrs Claus, lots of Elves and of course my reindeer. Throughout the year we make lots of toys and gifts and then on Christmas Eve we deliver them to all the children.

What is your favourite joke?
I absolutely love all of the cracker jokes but here are my two favourites: What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? – Rude Olf !! or What is my wife called – Mary Christmas!!! Ho Ho Ho!!

What makes you smile?
Taking children off the naughty list and ensuring they all get lots of presents

What is your favourite good news story?
Originally I had 8 reindeer Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen. Going back, a long time ago, when the weather was particularly bad with a terrible snow storm we were unable to see our way. Rudolph came to the rescue that night as he was and still is the only reindeer with a glowing red nose, so since that day he has led my sleigh

What inspires you?
Seeing all those Father Christmas’ take part in the Santa Dash and makes me realise how important I am in helping sick children.

If you could change one thing in the world what would it be?
Having to deliver all the presents in one night – mind you, I do get the rest of the year off!

If you could have one superpower what would you choose and why?
Isn’t delivering all those presents and getting in and out of all those houses in one night without being seen enough of a super power for you? Did you know I have to visit over 90 million homes and have to travel faster than the speed of light.

What is your favourite food?
I love all the snacks that the children leave for me on Christmas Eve – very full after all of those nibbles! Rudolph certainly loves the carrots children leave for him. He does share them with the other reindeer or so he tells me!!

What is your favourite drink?
I love a tipple of sherry to warm me up on a busy Christmas Eve, although with the drink driving laws theses days a glass of milk always goes down well.

If you are going on holiday what luxury item would you take from home?
Mrs Claus always tells me to take an umbrella – in case of reindeer!

If you could make one law, what would it be and why?
To get rid of some of the Elf and Safety rules ! It would make my life so much easier!

Give us a random piece of information about you that people wouldn’t know?
Some people are actually scared of me and apparently there is a proper name for this – someone told me it was being “Claustrophobic”!

What is your favourite phrase or saying?
Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas Everyone!

What cause, project or event would you like to promote?
There are lots of special Christmas charity collections but I particularly like the ones that help children and of course The Cystic Fibrosis Trust is also one of my favourites.

Who is your favourite music artist?
I like all the Christmas tunes but my favourite has to be “I Saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus”. Also partial to a bit of “Wrapping”! and of course you can’t forget Elf-is Presley!

Who is the person that you feel has shaped your life most?
Mrs Claus – she ensures that I have everything ready on Christmas Eve and I haven’t forgotten anyone. She also stops my helpers from becoming depressed by raising their “Elf Esteem” and packing them off to an Elf Farm until they feel better! Don’t want to give any of them the sack!

PJ’s or Not?

Hot or cold? Cold – I live at the North Pole

Cat or dog? – Neither, it has has to be a reindeer

Blue or pink? Surely red must be an option

Tea or coffee? Coffee as it keeps me awake on the long Christmas Eve

Glass half-empty or glass half-full? I always finish the glass

Pyjamas or not? You will have to ask Mrs Claus

Night out or night in? Night out otherwise the children won’t have any presents on Christmas Eve

Pizza or pasta? Pizza – it has to be deep pan, crisp and even.

Biscuits or cake? Probably prefer a mince pie

Wine or beer? Beer at the end of a long night

Football or rugby? Football – I am Lapland United’s Centre Back

Cinema or theatre? – Not much time for either

Gym or TV? Definitely TV – I have 364 days a year to kill

Naughty or nice? – 100% nice, otherwise you wouldn’t get presents, but then again!!

Silver or gold? Gold as when I pimped out my sleigh I accessorized the red with gold.

Tent or hotel? Probably rather an igloo

Bath or shower? Bath – I need a long soak on Christmas Day after my busy night

Starter or pudding? I didn’t think you had to choose

Sheets or duvet? A great big thick duvet as it can get pretty chilly at the North Pole

Love Island or Game of Thrones? Love Island as the dragons on Game of Thrones scare poor old Rudolph

Finally, apple or banana?  Carrot!

 

 

 

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