5 things Apple users REALLY want from the new iPhone | Banana Crumble
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5 things Apple users REALLY want from the new iPhone

by Paul Gold | Sep 19, 2017

After months and months of rumours and speculation, the iPhone 8 and iPhone X were finally announced this month, with the latter undergoing the biggest overhaul since Taylor Swift stopped pretending she was nice. Some of the amazing new features are:

  • A 5.8-inch screen that takes up the whole front of the phone meaning you have even more phone to smash! It was very restrictive having only some of the screen to break, now we can’t miss!
  • FaceID – new facial recognition technology which will be how you unlock your phone and pay for things via Apple Pay. It’s so advanced that it will even “learn” your face under various transformations (glasses, make up, radical hair style changes, that drunken Mike Tyson face tattoo) – it’s not yet known if it will work for Katie Price.
  • No more Home Button – a staple of the iPhone since 2007, and replaced with a 3D Touch home button with the iPhone 7 last year. The iPhone X has done away with the trusty home button and instead you’ll have to swipe up to go back. I foresee a lot of repetitive strain injuries for thumbs in 2018.

These features are set to be the future of the iPhone, but for those of us who have had iPhones for quite some time now, are they features we’ve really been crying out for? I’m glad we can now make our own faces become “Animoji”, I can’t wait to make a cartoon poo talk, but what is it that people truly need?

1. Better battery life.
Every time an iPhone is released it comes with the promise that it has “X% amount longer battery life” than its predecessor. And yet, by the time you get home from work after leaving on a full charge, a significant chunk of battery is missing from that devilish little battery icon. What did I do? I only listened to the Best of 5ive. Twice. That’s a good whole 7 minutes of phone used, why am I now on 60%?

2.“Through the air” Wireless charging
The new wireless charging recently announced, which has been around for a while now, means you must lay your device flat onto the wireless charger to charge it and keep it there – so you can’t lay in bed on your phone whilst snooping on Instagram or Twitter now. What fun is that? Who wants to awkwardly manoeuvre themselves onto their bedside table just to use their iPhone whilst it charges wirelessly? I want to look at my phone, not do Bikram yoga.

I don’t believe that in a world where the technology exists to unlock a phone via your actual human face under all kinds of lighting conditions and facial changes, that you can’t also invent a small wireless attachment that plugs into the charging port of your iPhone, which then reaches a signal from a wireless charger plugged into the mains. That way, you can use your phone however you want whilst it charges wirelessly “through the air” up to a certain radius or so. Now you can stalk your ex to your hearts content without having to worry about losing battery life!

3.Group FaceTime
I mean, come on! How hard would it be? 4 corners of a phone, surely that enables FaceTime to go up to 4 users at one time? Let us plan Nando’s via Facetime instead of the group chat because SOMEONE never replies. Families that like each other would love this too.

4.Bring back the 3.5mm headphone jack
This is an obvious one. The decision to get rid of the headphone jack with the iPhone 7 is probably considered the most maligned decision Apple have ever made amongst iPhone users. Having only one lightning charging port, means you must plug your new Apple standard “lightning” earphones (or use your own ones plugged into the annoying attachment) into the same port you change your phone from. This of course does away with the once easy option of listening to music/watching a TV show or a film, whilst also feeling content in the fact that you’re also charging your phone.

Gone are the days when you could go on a lovely long train journey and know you can charge your phone (if you’re lucky enough to get a table/window seat) – whilst listening to whatever you wanted to your hearts content. It’s one or the other now. Not both. Unless you buy an attachment, but why should you have to? The phone costs more than a second-hand Fiat Punto, let me have the basic luxury that every other smart phone has.

5.Completely indestructible.
I’d like to be able to drop my iPhone (by accident, I’m not a monster) and not have to experience that 5 second slow motion moment (as sponsored by Michael Bay) of turning my phone around to see if the screen has cracked. Those moments are some of the worst moments iPhone users can ever experience. Why not use the stuff they make tanks and bullet proof glass out of? Don’t give me the “but it’s expensive and we need it for the War” excuses – If Siri can book me tickets to see Star Wars: The Last Jedi then you bet my phone can survive concrete.

Paul Gold (@paulgold92)

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